Scribbles
by Firefury Amahira
Summary: Tired of reading about Django, Sabata, Otenko and the rest? Then meet Dr. Bob Inasnum, researcher of Undead stuff; his sullen assistant George, the Lab-Ruling Immortal; and Boki-chan, the pet ghoul!
1. George the Lab Ruling Immortal

**Author's notes:** I don't think any of the actual Boktai characters will make an appearance, but in any case, this is the first of a bunch of random little comedy scribbles. You can blame my sister One for helping me first cultivate the idea, and Shadowman from the Boktai IRC chat for loving the idea to the point I decided to write something about it! And thanks to my beta-readers (you know who you are!)

**Scribble One: The Tragedy of George the Lab-Ruling Immortal**

It had seemed like the perfect summer job. Or at least something to fund his hobbies that was at least mildly interesting. Being a lab intern didn't sound that bad, really. Maybe he could attract chicks with his apparent wealth of knowledge. Plus Doctor Inasnum hadn't seemed like a bad guy at first. He'd only seemed a little eccentric, but otherwise mostly harmless.

If George could travel through time, he knew exactly what he would do now. Go back to that day on the beach when he'd first heard about the internship. Yes, that was what he would do if he could time-travel. Go back, meet his past self, and smack himself upside the head and tell him not to take the job.

"George! I need your assistance here! Boki-chan is refusing to come anywhere near this bottle!" The doctor's voice boomed throughout the lab. "And I need him to be splashed with the contents for my research!"

With a heavy sigh, George emerged from his bedroom and its gaudy paintings and posters of the Sun, trekking the short distance to the lab proper, every step he took emanating a sort of sullen despondency that could put the sulkiest, surliest teenager to complete and utter shame. He'd had quite a bit of time to practice his sullen routine, having been stuck working with the doctor now for over five years since that fateful day that had ruined his life forever. Not just "until death do us part" forever, but FOREVER forever. Literal forever, the kind that never ends.

You see, George was an Immortal, a member of the clan of darkness, not bound by silly concepts such as life or death. So barring some blond kid beating his ass, stuffing it in a coffin and purifying it with the Pile Driver, George had an eternity before him in which to sulk, seethe, rage silently, and generally become quite unpleasant to work with.

By any standard, George was not a particularly powerful Immortal. He was not terribly adept with dark power, he cringed at the sight of blood, and really, all he wanted from life was to chill out. He loved to go surfing, relax on the warm sand under a hot Sun, and occasionally go out clubbing to try and pick up chicks. Not activities that go well with being an Immortal vampire who gets burned by sunlight or water. He didn't want to make everything Undead, didn't know or care about the will of the Galaxy. All he needed was the simplest things, simple things that the Doctor had denied him in the name of research.

Radiating sullen loathing, George entered the lab proper, already knowing what scene would greet him. For one, Dr. Inasnum was holding a vial of some sort of fluid, the very picture of a mad scientist clad in a shiny plastic labcoat, the short man's various body piercings shining in the scarce light. Keeping well away from the Doctor was Boki-chan, the lab's pet ghoul, one of George's creations and few attempts at being a proper Immortal with Undead servants. Sadly, calling himself George, the Lab-Ruling Immortal simply failed to intimidate or impress anyone. Least of all the Doctor, who was now impatiently waiting for the vampire to order the ghoul to behave.

"Boki-chan." George addressed the ghoul, untold amounts of suffering crammed into the three syllables. "Do as the Doctor says."

The poor bok whimpered but nonetheless followed his master's orders, fearfully going over to the Doctor and shrieking when the man splashed the contents of the vial over the Undead thing.

"Well, so that's what Solar Nut extract does to the Undead." Dr. Inasnum noted, jotting down several observations as Boki-chan flailed about as though it was a mummy that had just been lit up with a fire property attack

George watched this with a certain lack of emotion. Sure, it was his servant that was being abused, but the vampire didn't care. He just wished the Doctor would make good on his promise, a hope that the Immortal was rapidly giving up on. It had been a few years ago, but George could recall events as if they had just happened. It wasn't the sort of thing you just up and forget, after all.

"_So… what exactly are you researching here, Doctor?"_

_"Oh, this and that. Immortals and their ilk I find especially fascinating!"_

_That brought the new intern up short. "You… research the Undead?"_

_"You know it, my boy! Very fascinating field of research!" The Doctor clapped the young man on the shoulder all friendly-like. "Now, if I had an actual Immortal to study, I could _really_ make progress with my research!"_

_"Uh… I don't think there are any Immortals who are going to work with a human like that."_

_The Doctor scoffed. "And do I know it! None of them have ever responded to my letters!"_

_George the Intern fell over at that piece of information. "You've MAILED Immortals about your research!"_

_"Well, how else is one going to get in contact with them?" The Doctor asked. The worst part was that he wasn't kidding. "But I have a plan!"_

_"A plan?" George found himself wondering what this plan was, and why he had such a chilling sensation, like his innards had all turned to ice._

_"That's why I need an assistant, my boy!" The Doctor beamed, obviously quite pleased with his plan. "You are going to become an Immortal!"_

_"WHAT!" George shrieked in disbelief. "No way! I signed up as a lab assistant, not a guinea pig!"_

_"Calm down, calm down! You need the money, don't you?" The Doctor nailed one of George's weaknesses with all the accuracy and impact of a nuclear missile. "It wouldn't be a permanent thing, you see."_

_George stared. "How the heck is being Immortal **not** a permanent condition!"_

_"If I have an actual Immortal to study, I can find a way to undo the process! Just think of the possibilities! Poor victims of vampires, turned to darkness against their will… think of it! That they could be cured!"_

_"How much is my salary again?"_

George spent a great deal of his time mentally beating himself upside the head for letting his desire to buy a fancy (and very expensive) new surfboard override his common sense. He'd had plenty of nagging doubts as to whether or not the Doctor would be able to undo his Immortality, but noooooo, he ran off to the nearest haunt that very night and chatted up a vampire. He should have listened to that Immortal's advice.

_"Bob Inasnum? Yes, I have heard of him. An annoying little human." The vampire had commented disdainfully. "I do wish he would stop sending letters and being such a pest."_

_"Well, why don't you… uh… I dunno, do something about him?" George fidgeted anxiously in his chair, eyeing the teacup full of a red liquid that he was entirely certain he did not want to drink. The pale woman sitting opposite him sipped daintily at her drink, and scoffed._

_"He will die in his own time."_

_"You don't want to bite him?"_

_It was most interesting to see an Immortal spit out a mouthful of blood in surprise. "Oh sweet darkness NO! The last thing any of us would want is for that cheerful headcase being a cheerful headcase for all eternity! If you have an ounce of brains in that mortal little head of yours, boy, you'll leave that job and forget that man's nonsense."_

_George swallowed hard, noting that the vampire was eying him in a manner that entirely reminded him of the way he sometimes would size up chicks at a pub. "Well, it's not the greatest job, but I do need the money, and it's tough to find a job these days, what with the end of the world approaching and all that…"_

_He trailed off as the vampire was suddenly sitting next to him, her cold hand stroking his hair back from his face. "Well, regardless, you will make an attractive vampire, boy."_

_"Uh…" George eyed the woman's fangs warily, realizing that those sharp pointy bits were entirely too close for comfort. "Is this… um… going to hurt?"_

George stalked back to his room, leaving the shrieking bok and the Doctor behind. Had it hurt? He had screeched like a little girl for a full ten minutes after the lady vampire had taken her fill – and go figure, despite his best efforts, he _was_ still a virgin, so the Immortal woman had taken no small amount of enjoyment out of drinking his blood.

When he had returned to the lab, now red-eyed, pasty, and feeling like death warmed over (a rather accurate description, really), the Doctor had drilled George for a detailed description of what the transformation had been like. That was when the Lab-Ruling Immortal first began to really, truly loathe Dr. Inasnum.

He was sorely tempted to sink his pointy fangs into the scientist's neck, but he had to agree with the lady vampire who had turned him. He didn't want that man around forever, being eternally annoying. And killing the man was right out- if George ever wanted a prayer of returning to a mortal lifestyle, his chances hinged entirely on Dr. Inasnum's research.

"Boki-chan! Stop running away! No, don't open the front door, it's still daylight!"

George winced, hearing the ghoul shriek once, followed immediately by the distinctive sound of the undead going PAMF! in the sunlight.


	2. Painting the Town Red

Author's notes: Yes, we return for more misadventures of Doctor Bob Inasnum, George the Lab-Ruling Immortal, and Boki-chan (the Second!)   
Scribble Two: Painting the Town Red 

"I'm not going."

George's statement left little room to argue the matter, but Doctor Bob Inasnum was amazingly immune to the vampire's surly attitude. "Oh come on, my boy! You sulk inside all day and never get out and do anything!"

"That's because I'm a bloody _Immortal_ and sunlight isn't good for my undead complexion!" George's voice snapped in response through the closed bedroom door. "Go away and let me look at my pictures of the Sun!"

"Stop pining over what you can't have!" The Doctor retorted. "I'll undo your condition in due time. In the meantime, enjoy your lot in life! There's this gothic nightclub not far from here, you'd fit right in!"

"What, do all the local Immortals go hang out there?" George shot back.

"No, not that I'm aware. All the wannabe Immortals do though, and there's quite a few very attractive ladies that are all gothed out regularly!" Dr. Inasnum replied glibly.

The door opened a crack and the Lab-Ruling Immortal peered out warily. "Chicks?"

"Indeed, my boy!" Dr. Inasnum beamed so brightly that the vampire cringed. "And chicks totally dig vampires."

"They do?"

The Doctor shoved Boki-chan the Second away when the bok got too close to the conversation. "They most certainly do! Something about the whole Immortal, pale, blood-sucking thing seems to be a real turn on!"

George dared to let the first stirrings of hope take flight. Sure, the Doctor had screwed the former surfer over badly once already, but perhaps the man was on to something about chicks. "Maybe I'll go. Just to see."

"That's the spirit, my boy!" The Doctor crowed. "Wear black. Lots of black."

Boki-chan looked from the door to the Doctor, a white question mark hovering in the air over the undead creature's head. "?"

"Of course you can come, Boki-chan!" Dr. Inasnum clapped the bok on the shoulder. "Follow me, I think I have just the thing for you to wear!"

"!"

Once the Sun had set, the trio departed Dr. Inasnum's compound, ready for a night on the town! Plus perhaps ready to pick up some chicks for a really fun night, though who would go out with Boki-chan was anyone's guess. The Doctor's attire wasn't much different from his usual- the only noteworthy change was his lab coat was now a black plastic material. George had taken the Doc's advice and gone with shiny plastic black pants, a black shirt that left a great deal of his chest exposed, and topped off with a full-length black trench coat suitably adorned with gothic bling. Boki-chan looked almost comical, the ghoul wearing tight leather pants, a tiny red t-shirt, and a long coat like George's.

"!"

"You look fine, Boki-chan." George scowled at the zombie. "Why did we bring the ghoul along again?"

"It will be interesting to see how a tame bok responds to a social situation." The Doctor nodded sagely. "And it would hardly be fair for us to go out and have a night on the town and leave Boki-chan all alone!"

"?"

George sighed. "Yes, we're going to a mortal club, Boki-chan. People dance and drink there. Guys try to pick up chicks, too."

"?"

"Um…. I dunno. Doc, do you think boks can get drunk?" George looked over at the Doctor.

"That is a very good question!" Dr. Inasnum perked up. "I'll have to find that out!"

"!"

George snagged the collar of the bok's coat before Boki-chan could flee too far. "Relax! Alcohol is good. Man, I am so hoping to get smashed tonight! I haven't been buzzed since…. Well…. That." The Immortal glared Sword +s at the Doctor.

"…"

Before the trio stood the Broken Hell, torches lighting the entrance, smoky mist drifting from the open door, and really loud trance music drifting out much more vividly than the mist. Dozens of black-clad forms could be seen inside, some doing something that could possibly be called dancing, others obviously hanging around, and still others in advanced stages of drunk.

"?"

"It's dark enough in there." George squinted at the entrance. "I don't think anybody would notice that you're a ghoul."

"Well what are we waiting for?" Dr. Inasnum marched boldly to the portal.

The Lab-Ruling Immortal and his undead servant exchanged brief looks before plunging into the chaos within. The Doctor was already lost in the crowd, so George headed right for the bar, happily leaving a very confused Boki-chan behind.

"Can I get you something?" The bartender eyed George, who had found a barstool to sit on and survey the club from.

"Yeah, gimme a Pile Driver on the rocks." George decided, not appreciating the irony of his drink selection.

The vampire surveyed his surroundings, starting to feel a bit more like his old self for the first time in years. There was a chick a few seats down with a drink and wearing a tight black dress and lots of makeup that George thought he saw sizing him up a few times. He briefly thought of how tasty her blood might be before he mentally smacked himself upside the head a few times. He scooted over to introduce himself. "Hey there."

The chick surveyed George for a long moment, taking in the vampire's red eyes, pale complexion, and rather nicely toned chest. "Yes?" She asked boredly.

"Well… I just saw you sitting all alone… "George found himself fumbling in the face of his objective's flat tone. "Wanna dance?"

"I wanna drink." She retorted, sipping at her glass and muttering dark curses into the alcohol. "Stupid men, all alike… hope that bastard rots-"

George decided to move on.

Elsewhere in the crowd, Boki-chan was trying to figure out what exactly to do. The confused ghoul had drifted into the dance floor and was ambling around, slightly in time to the music. This seemed to be regarded as a nifty thing by the other dancers, who gave the bok a little more space.

"Hey, you!" A female voice caught the undead critter's attention. "Let's dance!"

"?"

A lithe woman, wearing… well… very little, really, and most of what she was wearing was black and spiky danced her way over to the startled ghoul. Some other ladies, presumably friends of the first joined her, and in short order Boki-chan was surrounded by leather-clad women.

"!"

"Hey, you look pretty good in that get up. What's your name?"

"…"

"Man, that shuffle is so convincing! You'd almost think he was Undead!"

"?"

The females began to argue over who got to dance with the bok first, and Boki-chan went with it, not knowing how to properly react to a bunch of weird mortal women. George hadn't told the ghoul what "picking up chicks" meant exactly, and the Immortal wasn't around to ask.

"Man, you gotta tell us how you did that makeup! It's so convincing!"

"?"

"And where'd you learn to dance like that?"

"?"

"Wanna come back to our sorority house tonight?"

"!"

So, thanks to poor lighting, dumb luck, and being a game bok instead of a manga bok, Boki-chan tagged along with the women for a long night of drinks, dancing, and Other Things ™.

As for Doctor Inasnum…

"EEEEEEEEEEEK! PERVERT!"

"OW!"

So the night came and went, the Doctor and the Immortal trying and failing to find the ghoul, and ultimately returning to the lab without Boki-chan. The Doctor was sporting numerous bruises and what appeared to be the imprint of a pair of spiked knuckles, while George just looked dejected. Shot down by every pair of breasts in the entire club.

"I thought you said chicks dig vampires." The Lab-Ruling Immortal intoned glumly.

"Well, fey do!" The Doctor insisted around a swollen cheek. "Fey to'ally go fow 'em!"

"And I didn't get drunk, either."

"I'll wowk on it."

George looked around the lab. "And where did Boki-chan go?"

As if on cue, the front doors opened and the ghoul in question staggered in, looking oddly blissful for an undead servant.

"Where haf 'oo been?" The Doctor demanded of the bok.

"…"

"You WHAT?" George shrieked.

"!"

George and the Doctor exchanged disbelieving looks. "With who?"

"…"

"HOW many?"

"!"

"You did WHAT?"

"!"

"…….. That can NOT be possible. How can that be possible?" George wailed.

"?"

"Wait… you don't know what that-?" The Immortal started incredulously at the ghoul. "Is that lipstick all over your face?"

"!"

"Didn't they notice the slightly important fact that you're a ZOMBIE?"

"…"

"They didn't care?"

"!"

"…. Okay, that IS a lot of drinks, so they were probably too drunk to care." George admitted grudgingly, a slow rage building. He had tried so hard to score, only to be shot down, laughed at, and generally rejected. While his pet ghoul apparently just ambled around and scored with a bunch of sorority chicks!

"…"

"You got their contact information, too?"

"!"

"They said you were the best they ever had-?" George fell flat on his Immortal behind at that.

"!"

"And you didn't have a clue what you were doing?"

"?"

"No, I will not tell you how to do that right!" George shouted.

The bok pouted dejectedly. Boki-chan had been so proud! Without any guidance whatsoever, the undead critter had apparently done all the right things with those women, and they had been so nice! Far nicer than the Doctor or Boki-chan's Immortal master George. The ghoul couldn't figure out why George was so angry. Even the normally cheerful Doctor seemed to be upset!

"George?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"For once, I think so."

Boki-chan looked from the Immortal to the Doctor, a slow sense of self-preservation starting to kick in. Alas, much like the boks that routinely get shot by some blond kid with a gun, Boki-chan was too slow to save its hide.

Doctor Inasnum grabbed a flask of a clear liquid and swiftly dumped the contents all over the ghoul. As expected, the bok did not like holy water in the least, and ran about flailing in a panic. George threw open the front door and dropkicked the shrieking Boki-chan outside, slamming the door shut.

"!"

The pet cockatrice trilled its displeasure at being hit in the rear by the undead thing, and fired its petrifying beam at Boki-chan.

"!"

And then, the Sun came up.

"!"


	3. In Search of Drunkenness

Author's notes: Round Three of the misadventures of Dr. Inasnum, George, and Boki-chan (the Third)!   
** Scribble Three: In Search of Drunkenness**

George stared forlornly at the empty keg of beer. A couple of hours prior, the keg in the closet had been full of the alcohol-laden substance. The vampire had drained the entire contents over the span of a few hours, and was highly disappointed to find that apparently Immortals have a stupidly high tolerance for booze. He didn't feel the least bit drunk.

"Damnit, this sucks! Totally!" George hurled his tankard across the room, watching the glass shatter against the door. "No more surfing, no more sunlight, no luck with the girls, and I can't even drown my sorrows now!"

Boki-chan the Third peered into George's room, wondering what the commotion was about. "?"

"Go away. I just want to get smashed off my ass drunk! Is that really so much to ask for?" The vampire wailed to the great big Sun painted on the ceiling. "I just wanna drink myself stupid!"

The ghoul wisely retreated to leave its master alone, and reported to Dr. Inasnum on George's dilemma. "!"

"George wants to get drunk, does he?" The Doctor scratched his chin in thought. "What has the boy tried so far?"

"…"

"Straight beer, huh? Hm. A very interesting situation…. Very interesting indeed." Dr. Inasnum perused his various gizmos in the lab. "George! Come here, I need you to test something!"

Radiating more loathing than normal, the vampire emerged from his lair, not even having bothered to change out of his sleeping clothes. In short, the Lab-Ruling Immortal was wearing fuzzy slippers and a Hawaiian print bathrobe, and looked miserable. Well, more miserable than normal, at the least. "What?" The Immortal intoned, pumping several gallons of premium loathing into the four letters.

"Boki-chan tells me you're trying and failing to get intoxicated, yes?"

"If an entire keg of beer didn't do it, nothing will." George flatly declared.

"I have an idea!" The Doctor grabbed a bottle of tomato juice and added vodka to the red liquid. "Here, try this!"

"…. I _hate_ tomato juice." George moaned.

"Yes, well if a vampiric body cannot properly metabolize the alcohol, maybe we can get it into your system with the tomato juice, since that serves as a substitute for real blood." The Doctor stated wisely.

"But I _hate_ tomato juice!" The vampire whined.

"Well, do you or don't you want to get drunk?"

Grudgingly the Lab-Ruling Immortal grabbed the bottle and sucked down the contents. The Doctor prepared several more flasks of the spiked juice, and George drank them all down.

"Well?"

"Well what?" George glowered at nothing in particular.

"…"

"No, I'm not drunk. I feel completely and totally anti-smashed." George turned his glare on Boki-chan, then the Doctor. "Any other _brilliant_ ideas, Doc?"

"Perhaps…. I need to think on this."

A few hours in the lab later, the Doctor offered his new idea to the Lab-Ruling Immortal. George eyed the offering with no small amount of doubt.

"You think this will get me drunk?"

"I believe there is a very good probability factor for it, yes."

George continued to eye the good probability factor of him getting drunk warily. "And what do I do with it?"

"You're a vampire, George! Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"!"

"…. But it's a BUNNY!" George wailed.

"So? It's a VERY drunk bunny." Dr. Inasnum retorted. "Do you want to get drunk or not?"

"But…"

"Just bite the damn rabbit already!" The Doctor thrust the furry little beast into George's arms.

George eyed the rabbit oddly. It was readily apparent by its unconscious state that the Doctor had probably given it enough booze to drop an elephant. If he didn't kill the bunny for the boozed-up blood, the thing would probably die from alcohol poisoning anyway. Well, he never had used his fangs for their intended purpose, why not?

Cringing and shutting his eyes, George lifted the rabbit's neck to his mouth and took a bite. "Bleh! Ith weally futhzy!"

"It's a rabbit! Rabbits are fuzzy!" Dr. Inasnum commented.

"'ou could sthave it fithst!"

"Hush up and drink the blood already!"

A few awkward and decidedly furry minutes later, George made a face and tossed the carcass into the rubbish bin. "I don't think it worked. Ugh. I think I like blood even less than I like tomato juice. Bleh."

"Hrm… Well, we'll have to try a completely different approach to getting you drunk then. It's apparent the Undead do not react to alcohol, but perhaps some other chemical compound will give the same results." The Doctor surveyed the contents of one of the storage cabinets. "Boki-chan! I will need your assistance! George, you too!"

"?"

"Now what are you gonna try?"

"Well, alcohol is a toxin to a mortal human, correct?" The doctor found a large bottle of a faintly orange-red colored liquid and pulled it out.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"So we need something that is a toxin to an Immortal!"

George paused, eyeing the bottle and the Doctor more warily. "Is that your stash of Solar Nut extract?"

"!"

Boki-chan fled to the opposite side of the room at that with a panicked shriek.

"… I am NOT drinking that."

"I never meant for you to drink it like this!"

George paused. "You didn't?"

"Of course not! We need to ferment it first! I know better than to practically feed liquid sunlight to an Immortal!" Dr. Inasnum huffed, taking the bottle to one of the strange gizmos on a lab table and setting the arcane device into motion. "But I need Boki-chan to do preliminary tests with."

"!"

"Stop whining and come here, Boki-chan!"

"!"

"No excuses!"

"Boki-chan, get over here before I let the Doctor toss you out a window."

"…"

The ghoul wandered forlornly over, while George skulked back to his bedroom, ignoring the pained shrieks of the Undead coming from the lab. He studied the big painting of the Sun on the bedroom ceiling. "I want to go surfing again."

Awhile later, George was rousted from his sulking by a loud crash and the first stirrings of a commotion in the lab. That in itself wasn't unusual.

"!"

"!"

The fact that apparently both Doctor Inasnum AND Boki-chan were shrieking with punctuation marks, however, was, and thus did the Lab-Ruling Immortal get off his lazy behind to see what was going on.

"What is going on in-" George slammed the door to the lab open and stopped mid-sentence.

"AAAUGH! UNDEAD BUNNY!" The Doctor ran past the surprised Immortal.

"!" Boki-chan started to do likewise, but was hit from behind and knocked flat by something.

"Wha?" George peered back over his shoulder at the Doctor. "What in Hel's name is going on?"

"**WHUFFLE!**"

George stared. Then he rubbed his eyes and stared again, needing a second opinion.

The lab was more of a disaster area than normal, and the source of the strangely angry noise was standing atop the floored ghoul, beady red eyes full of hate fixed on the Lab-Ruling Immortal.

"… A bunny-?" George frowned at the rabbit.

"**WHUFFLE!**" The rabbit… well, whuffled, stamping a foot through Boki-chan's back angrily.

"!"

**PAMF!**

And thus, Boki-chan the Third met its demise.

"It's the rabbit you bit earlier, George!" The Doctor piped up from the hallway.

"**WHUFFLE!**"

"Wait, what? The bunny?" George looked at the Doc and the rabbit incredulously.

"It's a very pissed off, very Immortal bunny now." The Doctor held a pair of flasks full of Solar Nut extract defensively.

"… Uh-huh…. I can sympathize." George remarked dryly, stepping into the lab. "Hey, look, sorry about before but-"

"**WHUFFLE! WHUFFLE WHUFFLE!**" The rabbit whuffled loudly.

"…. But… I'm the Lab-Ruling Immortal!" George huffed.

"**WHUFFLE!**"

"No, I will not hand over my place! This lunatic doctor is my only hope for being cured!"

"**WHUFFLE!**"

"I don't care if you're Triks the Immortal Bunny! You could be the Solar Boy Django for all I care! MY domain! Not yours!"

"**WHUFFLE!**"

"Oh that is IT! Nobody says something like that to me!"

"**WHUFFLE!**"

"Yer on!"

"**WHUFFLE!**"

"And leave my mother out of this!"

The clash of the Immortals was brief, but ugly. George snatched the large bottle of Solar Nut extract from its place on the table and upended the entire thing over Triks the Rabbit, who whuffled loudly and in pain as the liquid sizzled off his fur and generally made a big icky mess.

George deftly grabbed the rabbit by the scruff of its neck, wincing when the extract covering the rabbit burned his hand. "Doc, open a window, would ya?"

"A window? But it's daylight out!"

"You think I dunno that?"

"But you're an Immortal!"

George turned a very nasty look on the Doctor. "Yes, I know that. Now, will you open a window or would you rather I turn the bunny loose in here again?"

Dr. Inasnum scampered to a window and threw the coverings wide open, allowing sunlight to stream into the lab.

"**WHUFFLE!**"

George cringed and stayed out of the direct path of the light beam, squinting painfully from the weak indirect light. "Now get out, and stay out!"

"**WHUUUUuuuuuuu**uuuuuuuuffleeeeeeeeeeeee...-!" The rabbit whuffled into the distance, hurled out the window with surprising force by a very annoyed George.

"Very nice throw, George. Excellent follow-through." The Doctor remarked, closing the window up and returning the lab to its usual state of gloom.

"Yeah yeah. But I'm still sober."

"Oh yes! Try this, I think it will work!"

George accepted the flask warily. "What is in this?"

"Oh, fermented Solar Nut extract, a touch of margarita mix, a dash of rum. Try it, it tastes great, and I think it'll get you drunk!" Dr. Inasnum practically hopped up and down with excitement.

"I hope so." George uncorked the vial and tossed back the contents. "-!"

"Well?"

"AAAAAAAAAAUGH! IT **BURNS**!"


	4. Daylight Dilemma

**Author's notes: **Round Four of the misadventures of Dr. Inasnum, George, and Boki-chan (the Fourth)!

**Scribble Four: Daylight Dilemma**

"George! Come here, I have an errand that needs running!"

George raised an eyebrow as he sulked out of his room to the Doctor's lab. Technically he _was_ a lab intern, and lab interns ran errands. This was unusual for Dr. Inasnum however; usually the Doctor left George the Lab-Ruling Immortal alone unless he needed to test some horrible device on the vampire. It was also odd, because it was in the middle of the day, and like all Immortals, George did not get along well with Mr. Sun.

"What is it?" George inquired once the red-eyed 20-something arrived in the lab.

"Well, that rabbit you bit trashed quite a bit of the lab, my boy!" The Doctor bemoaned, indicating the heap of trashed equipment. "And you wasted nearly my entire supply of Solar Nut extract on getting rid of the bunny!"

"You're the nut that thought getting a rabbit drunk and my drinking its blood would be a good way to get _me_ drunk!" George countered, tone surly. "You study vampires! Shouldn't you have _known_ that would have made it an Immortal bunny?"

"I didn't know at the time that being Immortal was a condition that could cross between species!" The Doctor protested. "But nevermind that, boy! While that was useful for my studies, that isn't going to help get this lab back in order. While I get this cleaned up, I need you to go get some supplies."

George exchanged baffled looks with Boki-chan (the Fourth!).

"..."

"Doc, it's broad daylight."

"So?"

"Did you forget I kinda have a problem with daylight?"

The Doctor waved off the vampire's annoyance. "Surely you're bright enough to figure something out."

"How about you get the supplies, while Boki-chan and I clean up the lab?" George offered.

For once, the Doctor dropped his usually cheery demeanor, suddenly looming ominously and managing to loom over the much taller George with the aid of a chair.

"You will not wreck what's left of my equipment!" The Doctor growled with wicked intensity.

"!"

Boki-chan ran out of the lab and hid in George's bedroom.

George was not impressed.

"Right, whatever. So how do you expect a vampire who gets burned by daylight to go out in the afternoon and get your supplies?" He asked boredly.

"Wear a coat! Use a parasol! Create and send one of your Undead servants to do it! I don't care!" Dr. Inasnum replied absently, getting back to adjusting various lab equipment.

George decided against further arguing with the stupid old man and went back to his room, the shopping list in hand. It was a puzzle of sorts, and really, the vampire _was_ bored after all the excitement involving Triks the Immortal Bunny. Could he come up with a way to get those supplies in broad daylight?

"Boki-chan, get out from under the bed. I don't want you stinking up my bedsheets." George grumbled as he flopped down on the bed and stared up at the big painting of the Sun on the ceiling.

"?"

"No, I'm not sending you out. If I get burned by daylight, you'd just turn into a poof of smoke or whatever."

"..."

"How should I know? You know the Doc's nuts, too."

"!" The bok agreed.

"So how to get that junk for the Doc...?"

"..."

George stopped and glanced at the zombie. "I can do that?"

"!"

"Well I don't exactly keep informed of what all vampires can do! This was supposed to be a temporary problem!"

"?"

"He said he'd cure me!"

"..."

"Are you laughing at me?" George narrowed his red eyes at the bok.

"!"

George ignored the ghoul's reply. "So skeletons aren't affected by sunlight?"

"..."

"I guess it's worth a shot."

In short order, the Lab-Ruling Immortal created his second servant! Well... technically it was his fifth, since there had been three Boki-chans prior to the current one, but you get the point. George had the thing wearing a trenchcoat, a wide-brimmed hat fitted on the skeleton's head to hide its face. It wouldn't do to create a sunlight-proof servant to do the shopping only to have it get hit with holy water or something by a panicked shopkeeper!

"I hope this works." George gave it a copy of the list and sent it out the door of the complex with instructions on what it was to do once it got to town.

George went up to one of the towers of the lab complex to watch the skeleton's progress from the relative safety of a window. He watched it lumbering down the road, its movements halting and jolting, rather a lot like a drunk. Still, it seemed to be following orders so far-

**PIZOW! PAMF!**

-Until a glowing yellow energy shot took it out, a blonde kid with a red scarf running past the complex with a floating sunflower tagging along.

"Damnit!" George muttered, watching the kid run off. "Damn vampire hunters!"

"?"

"Yeah, some kid shot it."

"!"

"I dunno who he was. How could I know? All I could see was blonde hair and a scarf!"

"..."

"George! Have you got those supplies yet?" The Doctor's voice echoed from the lab below.

"... Not yet, Doc! My skeleton just got fried!" George shouted back, putting lots of disgust into his tone.

"Well get the lead out! I can't resume my research until we get those supplies!" The Doctor scolded, followed by a crash of machinery.

George rolled his eyes and looked longingly outside at the daylit landscape. The indirect light was uncomfortable on his exposed skin, but bearable. Oh how he missed his mortal days! Long summer days spent surfing, hitting on girls, and relaxing!

"..."

"You know, I don't think I want to stick around here for the moment." George told Boki-chan as the two headed back downstairs to the Immortal's cluttered bedroom. "Doc's in a lousy mood."

Another crash from the lab and the sound of a piece of solar-powered machinery confirmed that.

"!"

George pulled on a trenchcoat and hat. "Go help the Doc."

"!"

"Yes, I mean it!"

"..."

George headed for the front gate after testing to ensure his clothing would protect him from the Sun. It felt almost strange to be leaving the complex during the day. If he could get away with this more often, maybe he could have a decent time during the day. Five years of sulking in the lab was not all that entertaining, after all.

Shopping list in hand and sweltering under his coat, George started down the road, ignoring the pile of solar-gun fried bones that had been left of the skeleton. It wasn't a short walk- the shop with the supplies he needed wasn't exactly close. But he was Immortal. One of the perks was he didn't generally tire easily. Now if only he had that kind of endurance during his surfer days-!

The Lab-Ruling Immortal found himself grinning when he got to the shop. He didn't know the girl behind the counter, but she was _cute_!

"Hey, babe." He slid up to the counter. "I've gotta buy some stuff."

"Help yourself." She smiled, gesturing at the bins full of fruit.

He surveyed the wares, making his selections. "I... uh... work at a lab. We do a lot of research. It's nice to get out though."

"Really?" She replied with polite interest.

"Yup. Doc's real enthusiastic about it. But I usually get stuck with the crummy work."

"...Aren't you hot under all that?" The girl asked, glancing at the vampire's big hat and heavy coat.

"Uh... I sunburn easily?" George fumbled for an excuse. He could get away with showing his face in the gloom of a gothic nightclub, but most anyone would likely know him for a vampire in the well-lit store!

"Oh, we have sunscreen here. I'm sure that would help." She suggested with a smile.

"Sunscreen?" George's interest was piqued.

"Yes, it completely blocks the Sun. A friend's brother uses it a lot. He... sunburns easily, too." She replied.

Was she hitting on him? George almost dared to hope. He'd been off the social scene for five years since he became a vampire, he was more than a little rusty in the ways of women.

"It does that? Completely blocks the sun?" George knew of stuff that could reduce the effects of the light, but he'd never heard of something that could _completely_ block out the daylight.

"Completely. I could let you try a sample if you'd like?" She offered, holding up a small bottle.

Unknown to George, some kid with purple hair had also entered the store, looking at the vampire with an odd look on his face. Like the blond kid that had wasted George's skeleton lackey earlier, he was wearing a scarf, though his was blue rather than red. At a glance, he was almost as pasty in complexion as the Lab-Ruling Immortal.

"Um... sure." George strolled over and paid the girl for the large sack of fruits and other supplies. "You know, you're really pretty."

"Oh... thank you." The girl blushed before getting back into a businesslike stance. "I can't put this sunscreen on with your face hidden under that huge hat, you know."

"Hmf!" The purple haired kid snorted, startling George. "And what's a vampire doing out in broad daylight?"

The girl looked first at George, then at the kid with a look of stunned surprise on her face. "What are you talking about?"

"Him." The kid gestured at George, pulling a wicked looking black gun from some hidden pocket.

"Ah... I think you've got the wrong guy-" George tightened his grip on the bag of purchases.

"I know your kind." The kid growled, not amused.

"He's just buying some solar fruit!" The girl behind the counter protested, though it didn't do much to ease the vampire's nerves. The kid radiated an aura that just screamed dangerous. And he had a gun!

"Could I just... buy some of that sunscreen and go home?" George squeaked. He was a vampire! An Immortal, a member of the powerful dark tribe! ... But he also knew he was a total pansy as far as his dark powers went.

The kid didn't look inclined to let the matter slide, and George didn't want to get into a fight. So he needed a distraction! A little application of dark power and...

"?"

Boki-chan had been teleported from the lab to the store, looking quite surprised. Perhaps even more surprised than the girl behind the counter, who yelped. Certainly more surprised than the kid with the gun.

"How did that ghoul get here?" The girl grabbed a broom.

"GottagoBYE!" George bolted past the confused zombie. The kid was surprised enough that the vampire was able to shove past and start running down the road like a bat out of hell, leaving the sounds of gunfire and chaos behind him in the store.

**PAMF!**

So much for Boki-chan the Fourth.

The girl and the kid exchanged baffled looks after the kid finished destroying the zombie.

"That was strange. He was really an Immortal?"

"Not much of one."

"But why would an Immortal be buying 20 pounds of solar nuts?"

"... What?"

Finally, the kid looked surprised.

"I'm back!" George declared, slamming the door shut behind him. "And I don't care WHAT you say, Doc, I am NOT doing the shopping again!"

"Did you get everything?" Dr. Inasnum flounced to meet the vampire in the darkened foyer of the complex.

"Yes." George glowered at the man. "And I damn near got SHOT by some purple haired punk because of you!"

"That's nice." The Doctor replied, taking the sack. "Do you know what happened? Boki-chan disappeared while helping me lift some equipment!"

"... I summoned him to get away from the kid with the gun!"

"Well that was inconsiderate, George! What if that equipment had fallen on me?"

"..." George glared Sword+s at the man. "What if that kid SHOT me? He didn't have a normal gun, that thing looked mean! I could have been killed!"

"You're immortal, George!"

"It's daylight, it was a freaky gun, I don't care if you almost got hit over the head! I almost got shot!"

"Pff, come along!" The Doctor ignored the vampire's protests. "I was able to get things back in order, and I need you to help me test tolerances for solar fruit extract, since Boki-chan's not here to test it!"

"..."


	5. Bugs Bite

**Author's notes: Round Five of the misadventures of Dr. Inasnum, George, and Boki-chan (the Fifth)!** **Scribble Five: Bugs Bite**

"What is _that_?" George asked dully, looking at the green crystal that the Doctor was carefully handling.

"Fragile!" Dr. Inasnum responded, setting the small green prism into one of the arcane devices in the lab.

"I gathered, since you're fondling the thing like it was some chick's boob." George rolled his eyes, poking at the gem. "I mean what _is_ it? Some kinda emerald?"

The Lab-Rulling Immortal got his hand slapped away from the stone by the Doctor. He quirked an eyebrow at that. Whatever it was, it had to be important: the man had spent several days away from the lab once the place was fixed up from the bunny incident. When he returned, it was with a motorcycle sidecar packed with carefully wrapped stones like the one in the machine.

"It's a solar bamboo shoot!" The doctor beamed. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to obtain one, let alone several, without breaking them open?"

George peered at the stone again. "It doesn't look like bamboo. Or like something a panda would eat."

"It's not _that_ kind of bamboo, George!" The Doctor sighed, explaining slowly as if to a stupid child. "It's a form of crystalized solar energy. Little ones like these form on or just under the surface, generally in an area that gets plenty of daylight. Big ones are little ones that don't break and soak up enough light to grow quite large. But those are fairly rare, and less practical for my studies than the little ones!"

George looked between the Doc and the gadget with the crystal with some measure of disbelief. "That makes absolutely no sense."

"It makes _perfect_ sense!" The scientist countered. "I suspect that areas rich in plantlife- which depend on sunlight as you well know- actually assist in the formation of these stones. They are quite fragile, and the change in temperature between summer and winter might trigger them."

"Trigger?" George decided he did NOT like the sound of that. "Trigger as in what?"

"They crack, of course! Even a light impact and they split right open, releasing the stored energy into the air! I suspect that plants use that released energy to make up in part for the decreased sunlight in the winter!" The Doctor slapped the work table hard to emphasize his point.

**CRACK!**

True to the Doc's explanation, the little stone cracked open, the crystal turning almost instantly to powder, releasing a small swarm of little glowing orange things into the air.

"Smooth move, Doc." George clapped sarcastically. "And those-?"

Dr. Inasnum spat a curse about losing one of his precious stones, ignoring the vampire's sarcasm as the specks flitted aimlessly in the lab. A few alighted on a truly sorry looking little flowerpot near one of the covered windows, the shrub almost dead from inadequate light.

"That's the released energy from the crystal." The Doc sighed after trying and failing to grab one of the little winged specks.

"Weird little things, aren't they?" George raised an eyebrow. "They're kinda pretty."

The Lab-Ruling Immortal managed to cup one of the flitting orange specks in his hands, since he stood taller than the scientist and had generally better reflexes. He peered at it between his fingers, studying the tiny thing. It _was_ pretty, like a firefly, only brighter.

"Well be careful with them, Geo-" The Doctor was in the middle of cautioning.

The speck flitted in the vampire's grasp, eventually flitting through the gap in between his fingers.

And right into his eye.

"GYYYYYAH! IT _**BURNS**_!" George flailed, clutching at his apparently damaged face and hopping around the lab like a Mummy on fire.

"George, look out-!"

Boki-chan (the Fifth!) took the initiative, and tackled the flailing vampire before he could crash into the box full of bamboo crystals.

"!"

The vampire whimpered, but ceased flailing. Granted, George was probably a great deal closer to his Undead servant than he ever _wanted_ to be; but that clearly was not on his mind at that instant. The Doctor hurried over with a flask of solvent and some bandages.

"George, you need to let me get a look at this!" He exclaimed, leaning over the pinned Immortal and ignoring the ghoul.

"It hurts." George whimpered, sounding like a pathetic little boy rather than a fearsome member of the Dark Tribe.

"Yes, yes, I gathered that my boy. Now move that hand!" Dr. Inasnum commanded. "No one has ever documented the effects of a solar bug on a vampire!"

If George wasn't more preoccupied with being blinded in one eye and the fact that it _hurt_, he probably would have done something to the Doctor. Or at least glared at him. Meanwhile, the rest of the orange specks scattered into the rafters and disappeared.

"Boki-chan, I think you can let him up now." The Doctor declared after several minutes spent jotting notes about George's injury.

"?"

"Mm, yes, you'll have to help him clean up." The Doctor thrust the flask and bandages in the zombie's hands as George staggered to his feet, trying to glare at the Doctor and failing miserably.

A few hours later, and George finally emerged from his room, more surly than normal and now sporting a black eyepatch.

"This is _your_ fault." The vampire growled as he stalked into the lab.

"I'm not the genius vampire that thought grabbing a speck of concentrated _sunlight_ out of the air was a good idea." Dr. Inasnum replied absently, adjusting a new crystal in the device from earlier.

"You're the _genius_ that broke the damn bamboo thingie!" George snarled, carefully avoiding the worktable lest he jostle it and let more of the bugs loose.

"You're the idiot that grabbed one and put your eye within easy striking distance!" The Doctor countered.

"Only because you neglected to mention that whole _concentrated sunlight_ thing!" George snapped.

Boki-chan looked between its irate master and the eccentric doctor.

"..."

"What was that?" George yelped at the ghoul.

"We do NOT!" The Doctor shrieked at nearly the same time.

"!"

The vampire and the scientist looked at each other warily.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" They both told the bok.

"..."

That night, George was up on the roof of the complex, brooding and grumbling. The Doctor still hadn't said what all that solar bamboo stuff was supposed to be used for, let alone what that hulking device in the lab was supposed to do. The pain from his burned out eye had mostly subsided, but the Doctor wasn't certain if the vampire's inherent ability to recover from injuries would regenerate the lost eye, or if the Lab-Ruling Immortal was now the Lab-Ruling _Pirate_ Immortal.

"Pfft." George intelligently remarked.

Boki-chan sat on the roof too, looking around in something like boredom.

"?"

"That's the moon." George rolled his good eye at the question.

"?"

"Because I can't very well sit on the roof and stare at the sun!"

"..."

"I didn't want to be a vampire, I wanted to be a surfer and hit on cute women!"

The ghoul looked confused.

"?"

"You're asking a lot of questions for a servant." George glared irritably at the zombie.

Boki-chan decided it was best to leave the broody vampire alone, and started for the stairs, lit oddly by an orange light. The ghoul assumed it was the glow of torches in the stairwell.

"..."

"Yeah, whatever. Night, Boki-chan." George waved his servant away absently, laying back on the cool stone to watch the full moon creep across the sky.

Meanwhile, Doctor Inasnum was still working hard on his gadget. If there was a way to amplify the energy stored in a small solar bamboo crystal, perhaps the technology could be used to create new solar weaponry! And maybe something to help cure George. Maybe.

"Let's see, adjust the amplifier lens..." The doctor muttered, adjusting what looked like some sort of arcane laser.

Several of the small green crystals were lined up inside the barrel of the device, which was aimed at a faceted gemstone. (It came from his ex-wife's wedding ring.) Satisfied that the device was calibrated correctly, the Doctor bent over the sighting scope, peering intently as he lined up the device and prepare to activate it.

"..." Boki-chan looked at the solar bugs flitting in the stairwell, and shuffled back over to George.

"!"

"What?" George glared at the bothersome ghoul.

"!"

George quirked one eyebrow. "Whaddya mean sense of impending doom?"

"..."

"Well okay, yeah, there _were_ the four Boki-chans before you. But that doesn't mean anything."

"!"

The Lab-Ruling Immortal glanced at the stairwell and the handful of solar bugs inside and shrugged. "So I'll stay on the roof until they go somewhere else. Or just avoid them. There's only a few."

"..."

"It's perfectly safe, just avoid running into them!" George told his uncertain servant irritably.

Boki-chan turned back toward the stairs and ambled toward the scattering of bugs between it and the lower levels of the complex.

In the lab, Doctor Inasnum pushed the button.

**CRACK**

The laser beam went right through all the green crystals, shattering them and releasing a veritable swarm of the bugs. But the amplifier lens worked properly, shunting the orange specks down the barrel of the device, concentrating them all onto the tiny gemstone.

That's when the experiment went awry, as Dr. Inasnum's experiments often did.

The light intensified as the solar energy was stuffed into the gem, before the tiny diamond itself exploded, unable to contain the _large_ green crystal that erupted from it. And kept growing, spewing solar bugs as the laser continued to pound it, bisecting it into two large green crystals that continued to expand, eventually breaking into four, and so on.

"Oh... oh dear." The doctor stared, trying to shut the beam off. He didn't realize a shard of the diamond had lodged in the switch mechanism, effectively locking it in the "ON" position. And the lab was rapidly filling to the brim with solar bugs and a large heap of supposedly rare large solar bamboo. "GEORGE!"

On the roof, the doctor's cry echoed easily up through the halls. George and Boki-chan exchanged looks before they both ran for the stairs. The doc didn't shriek for help like that unless something had gone seriously wrong, and George wanted to be there to laugh at the crazy scientist's misfortune.

Boki-chan went first, trying vainly to wave the handful of solar bugs out of the way without actually touching them. George did likewise, only he pulled his shirt off to act as a makeshift fan to whisk the orange bugs away.

Then a brilliant orange glow surged up the stairwell, a seemingly solid wall of light.

"Oh SH-!"

"!"

**PAMF!**

George decided he needed to reevaluate his experiences. Being turned into a vampire was now the _second_ most painful thing he had ever lived through. He staggered alone into the lab, covered from head to toe in burns and nearly looking like a ragged bok himself. Boki-chan had been vaporized almost instantly, the ghoul hadn't had a chance against the veritable wall of solar bugs that had rushed at them.

"Doc..." He growled, voice hoarse and raspy. Of course a few of the solar bugs had gotten into his mouth and throat when he was yelling obscenities at the first burns.

The lab was just fine, for the most part. The device the doctor had been fussing with before was smouldering, the laser having overheated at some point. A pile of large green crystals lay haphazardly around the firing end of the device, and a scattering of the orange solar bugs still flitted absently.

George gave the pile and the bugs a wide zone of avoidance. His good eye had been spared only because the Lab-Ruling Immortal had the wit to protect it by whipping his eyepatch to cover it when he saw all the bugs coming up the stairwell.

"Doc, where in Hel's name are you hiding?" He growled, for once sounding the part of a proper evil vampire. He was just about ready to play the part after the Doctor's latest stunt.

George paused, hearing girlish giggling from behind the broken device. He staggered over, and found Doctor Inasnum lying flat on his back, spiked hair in disarray, and a look of giddy delight on his face.

"Heehee, lookit the colors!" The doctor burbled. "Preeeeeeetty!"

Despite his burns, George could only stare at the man's vacant expression.

"Doc?"

"Whoa... dude, y'look messed up." The Doctor tried to point at George, but he couldn't quite seem to focus on the extremely displeased vampire.

"Because of whatever it was _you_ screwed up!" George hissed.

The Doctor giggled again, clearly not with it.

"... You're acting drunk. Or stoned."

"The lights, man. The bugs. Y'gotta try it."

"I'm gonna go curl up in my bed... scratch that, I'm gonna find a coffin and freakin' HIBERNATE." George turned and stalked out of the lab. "Geez, the nutcase got himself high on solar bugs. He can clean the mess up HIMSELF."


	6. Rats, Bats, and Cats, Oh My!

**Author's notes: Round Six of the misadventures of Dr. Inasnum, George, and Boki-chan (the Sixth)!** **Scribble Six: Rats, Bats, and Cats, Oh My!**

"George! George, wake up!"

George muttered and rolled over, ignoring the commotion.

"I can't clear all that Solar Bamboo out of the lab by myself, you realize!"

There was the sound of scraping as the Doctor nudged the coffin lid aside to try and more directly roust the Lab-Ruling Immortal. George cringed at the noise; really, it was worse than Dr. Inasnum merely banging on the lid. He hurt all over after being burned to a crisp by a flood of solar bugs, and the last thing the vampire wanted to do was help the scientist clean up the mess that had caused him such burnination.

_I swear, if he touches me, I cannot be held accountable for my actions._ George sleepily thought, bracing for a hand to clap him on the nearest burned shoulder.

"George-?"

"?"

George listened to the confusion in the Doc's tone, as well as the confused inquiry from Boki-chan (the Sixth!). He'd made the new ghoul before going to sleep in the hopes that it would keep the Doctor from bothering him while his impressive display of solar burn injuries mended.

"That's strange, I could have sworn he would be in here." George heard the Doctor address the bok. "He's your master, surely you know where he is?"

"..."

_Did he go blind while he was high?_ George wondered. _I'm right here!_

"Well he has to be around the complex somewhere, and I doubt he'll like to hear we found a rat in his coffin!" The Doc's footsteps indicated he was leaving the room. "Even if he almost never uses the thing!"

"Rat?!" George squeaked, eyes snapping open in a moment of panic.

"..."

The Lab-Ruling Immortal looked up at the ghoul. And up. And up some more. Because it seemed that everything had grown quite large, and the bok seemed a giant from George's vantage.

"..."

"I what?" The vampire asked incredulously, taking the ghoul's recommendation to look himself over.

He was on all fours, and felt a great deal fuzzier than he generally did when he neglected to shave for a few days. Not to mention the pointy nose he could see out in front of his face, or the bald tail sticking off his hind end. There _was_ a rat in his coffin.

HIM!

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" George tried to jump up, tripped over his own four feet, and felt flat on his tail.

"..."

"It's not funny!" The Lab-Ruling Rat whined. "I didn't know I could do that!"

"?"

"It's not like I spend my free time _practicing_ the dark arts!"

"..."

George paused to consider the ghoul's statement. It was true he'd been pretty badly hurt by the solar bug infestation. Maybe the shapechanging thing was merely temporary while his injuries healed. In any case, he didn't ache, and the Doc hadn't recognized 'the rat in George's coffin' for the vampire himself.

"Okay, I'm gonna have some fun with this!" George declared. "If the Doc doesn't know it's me, he can't bug me with his inane experiments! I'm off!"

Boki-chan waited as the Lab-Ruling Rat boldly strolled...

... into the side wall of the coffin.

"... Um... Crud." George tried to jump high enough to catch the edge of the coffin, tiny little forepaws scrabbling against the wood to no avail. "Boki-chan?... Help?"

"..."

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" George squeaked at his insolent servant.

"?"

"Yes, I can't get out of this thing like this!"

"..."

"Wait, what?"

"..."

"Hey, that's not a bad idea! So... how do I do that?"

"?"

"... You don't know, do you?"

"..."

George sighed. So vampires could shapeshift, and a rat wasn't his only option. It just wasn't the option most suitable for getting out of the stupid coffin. He sat down and contemplated his options.

"Wait, of course! I know, what do most vampires turn into to get away from... I dunno, pitchfork-weilding villagers?"

"?"

"Bats, you nimwit! Bats! Or... uh... a bat, I guess."

George concentrated, trying to tap into that reserve of dark energy that he usually forgot he had most of the time. After all, being a vampire was going to be a temporary condition, curse it all! After a few seconds that the Lab-Ruling Immortal could only describe as 'tingly', he fell flat on his face, no longer balanced properly on four legs.

"Oof!" He shoved himself upright, precariously balanced. "Boki-chan, did it work?"

"!"

"A what?"

"!"

"Fruit bat?!"

"..."

"Stop laughing!" George commanded for the umpteenth time. "I don't like how blood tastes anyway!"

"..."

"I know fruit bats eat like, bugs... and plant stuff. Shut up!"

"..."

"Hold your horses! How hard can flying be?"

George stretched, checking out the leathery wings that usually were his hands in human form. He'd seen plenty of flying things before. A simple matter of flapping hard and he should be airborne in no time!

Luckily for the Lab-Ruling Immortal's dignity, or what broken remains of it were left, anyway; apparently vampirism came with the animal instincts built in. A few clumsy flaps and George was in the air, wobbling around his room. The place really did seem a great deal bigger as a rat or a bat. Heck, he could probably finally get all the stuff he crammed under his bed this way!

"Boki-chan!" Dr. Inasnum's voice sounded from down the hallway.

"Oh cra-"

George learned that doors being slammed open into your face hurt a lot more when you're a rat or a bat, as the Doc flung the bedroom door open, slamming the Lab-Ruling Fruit Bat into the wall. He slid to the floor with a pained squeak as the Doctor entered the room.

"?"

"I can't find George anywhere!" The Doctor explained. "So we'll have to search this place top to bottom! Every nook and cranny!"

George dazedly flew into the air again, wobbling disoriented into the middle of the room. The Doc, being observant and not a _complete_ idiot spotted the flappy thing. He fell silent, watching the little bat shake off an apparent daze.

"... George, is that you?"

George almost fell out of the air a second time. If the Doc knew George could shapeshift, he'd never have a moment's peace again! The years of working as Dr. Inasnum's assistant would be pleasant in comparison! He had to fool the scientist into think he was just a regular bat!

"Uh... squeak?" George hazarded lamely.

"Drats... I bet this little fellow has brought plenty of his friends to poop up the tower. I'll have to see about chasing them out before more of them get into the lab!" The Doctor snatched George out of the air with an indignant squeak. "Out you go!"

"Lemme go you crazy idiot!" George squirmed, but apparently his voice was high pitched enough that the Doctor couldn't make out the words.

"!"

Boki-chan chased after the pair as the Doctor jogged through the complex to the nearest window, and pulled the shades aside to toss George out into the daylight. Thankfully that window let out to the shaded side of the lab, a sheltered corner where the pet cockatrice liked to sleep.

"Ow..." George complained to no one in particular, silently thanking whatever deity spared him being tossed into direct sunlight. Flying back into the lab didn't seem like a good idea, and he suspected being caught as a rat wouldn't go over well with the Doc. Perhaps there was another option?

One tingly changing moment later, and the Lab-Ruling Immortal looked himself over with satisfaction. Okay, so the black fur was completely and totally cliche, but the Doc wouldn't react badly to seeing a cat slinking around the lab. And now the window was an easy leap away!

"Meow, baby! Hey, girls like cats... I'll have to try this out!" George purred to himself, making the jump to the roof of the cockatrice's pet house, and then to the window.

"!"

Boki-chan shoved past a surprised Doctor Inasnum and darted outside to rescue its unfortunate master!

... And completely forgot that the door opened into direct sunlight.

**PAMF!**

Meanwhile, George shoved the shade aside with his head and snuck back inside the lab. A few carefully timed jumps and clawing his way up lab equipment, and the Lab-Ruling Cat had a pleasing view of the lab and the confused Doctor from the safety of the rafters.

Maybe this immortal creature of darkness thing actually had some perks!


	7. The LabRuling Mother!

**Author's notes: Round Seven of the misadventures of Dr. Inasnum, George, and Boki-chan (the Seventh)!**

**Scribble Seven: The Lab-Ruling... Mother?**

"George! You have mail!" The Doctor threw open the door to George's room, catching the vampire in the middle of getting dressed.

"GYAH!" George yelped, diving for the bed and covering himself. "Knock the next time!"

"Oh, don't be so embarrassed George. I've seen worse!" Dr. Inasnum declared cheerfully. "I'll just leave this letter on your desk. I didn't know you knew anyone from Costa Del Sol!"

"Cos-" George peered over his bedsheet. "I grew up there!"

"Ah, well and good, George." The Doc dropped the letter on the Lab-Ruling Immortal's desk and left the room.

"?"

"That's my line." George shooed Boki-chan (the seventh!) away from the desk after the doctor had left, scooping the letter up. "Hey, maybe it's from my old surfing buddies!"

George slit the letter open and plucked the sheet of paper out, going pale... well, paler than normal, at least... as he read the note. "Oh no..."

"?" Boki-chan inquired.

"Oh no...!" George yelped, darting for the door despite still only wearing his bright yellow boxer shorts. "DOC! It's an emergency!"

George collided with Dr. Inasnum in the hallway, sending scientist and Immortal to the floor with a crash.

"Good heavens, George, what's going on?" The Doc rubbed his bruised head ruefully.

"THIS!" George waved the letter in the man's face frantically. "How did this happen?"

"How did what happen? Stop talking in riddles, George!" Dr. Inasnum managed to grab the battered paper from his assistant.

"It's from _my mother_!" George shrieked. "She's coming! HERE! Do you have any idea what that means?"

"'Fraid I don't follow." Dr. Insnum skimmed the letter. "You haven't seen your mother in a few years, isn't that right?"

"She wanted me to go to college and become a doctor!" George wailed. "I told her I was going to school when I was just going out surfing! If she finds out I'm a friggin' vampire, it's gonna be my head on a pike!"

"!" Boki-chan yelped at the idea of its master's head on a pike.

"Oh surely you're just exaggerating, George. The woman is your mother! Your own flesh and blood!" Dr. Inasnum climbed back to his feet, fixing the upright spikes of his hair. "The woman put up with you for nearly twenty whole years!"

"Put up wi-" George caught what the man was implying. "Hey! Seriously Doc, you don't know what this means! The woman is insane! She'd scare an Immortal!"

"Clearly, given the way you're behaving, George." The Doc couldn't resist zinging the vampire again.

"Knock it off, the woman is a rampaging beast! If you let her into the complex, there won't be a moment's peace!" George wailed. "I mean it!"

"Well then, what do you intend to do about it?" Dr. Inasnum quirked an eyebrow.

"HIDE, that's what!" George turned to run back to his bedroom, stopping mid-step at a pounding at the front door. "... Oh no."

"Oh yes, I forgot to mention that letter arrived a few days ago. Didn't seem critical." The Doc noted in the long silence.

"She's... here?" George squeaked.

"Boki-chan, would you go get the door?" The Doc turned to address the ghoul.

"!"

George panicked and made good use of his powers while the Doc's back was turned.

"Come on now, George, she can't be all that bad-" The crazy scientist looked around the room in confusion. "George?"

"Um... meow." A black cat replied from the floor.

"Oh now where did he get to?" Dr. Inasnum wandered from the room.

George heaved a sigh of relief that almost came out as a purr. The Doc still hadn't caught on to his vampiric intern's recently discovered shapeshifting ability, and George hoped to keep it that way. Playing the part of the lab cat and having to eat cat food seemed a small price to pay to avoid his mother's nagging.

Meanwhile at the foyer to the doctor's complex, Boki-chan let its doom in by the front door.

"?"

"Georgie, sweetie! It's been so long since I've seen my baby boy-" The woman that bounced into the room and grabbed the ghoul in a choking bear hug was... hefty. Wearing a nice dress that did the best it could with the woman's less-than-stellar figure, and entirely too much perfume, she bore only the most minimal resemblance to the Lab-Ruling Immortal.

"!" Boki-chan freaked. "!"

"Pardon me, ma'am." Dr. Inasnum straightened his plastic black lab coat and interrupted the mother-son reunion. "That is one of my other lab assistants, Boki-chan. George is... ah... running errands at the moment!"

"Beg pardon?" The woman held Boki-chan at arm's length to get a better look at the poor bok in the dim lighting inside the building. "Oh my goodness, he looks just like my Georgie!"

"..." Boki-chan remarked.

"Somehow I suspect George would have issues with that comment." Dr. Inasnum noted, leading the woman into the complex. "He has been most helpful as my lab intern, I can assure you!"

_Wow, thanks for making me look good, Doc._ George peered down from the rafters.

"I was surprised to find he was working at a lab. When he told me he was attending classes at the local university and working toward his degree, I was certain he was fibbing since I checked with the school and they said he wasn't even enrolled!" George's mother bemoaned with an exaggerated sigh.

_Wait, she actually stalked me to the school!_ George growled to himself. _No wonder she knew she could find me here._

"I ...see." The Doc noted warily. "Well, I can assure you, he is working on the cutting edge of Undead research!"

"He told me he was studying medicine!" The woman protested, the first traces of displeasure entering her tone.

"I... ah, well, yes..." The doctor backed away. "I mean.. well, it is connected to medicine, I suppose-"

"My boy will be the best at what he does, so help me-!"

Dr. Inasnum was beginning to appreciate why George had reacted so poorly to news of his mother's visit as he tried to placate the burly woman. "I can assure you, as my assistant George is among the absolute BEST in his field, guaranteed a very long, very... er... prosperous life!"

"Really?" George's mother swung from displeasure to glee at a dangerous speed.

"Really! As a result of our work here in the lab, he'll easily live to 100! Easily! Lots of room for personal growth... in a few decades, he could be quite the powerful individual!"

"..." Boki-chan remarked dryly.

"Ix-nay on the ampire-vay!" The Doc hissed at the ghoul.

_Please don't understand Boki-chan. Pleeeease!_ George pleaded silently.

George's mother looked over at the ghoul. Another long, tense silence settled over the lab, during which George wisely opted to book it and hide in his bedroom.

"Oh, you mean he's a fan of that _Late Evening_ book about vampires that are all shiny and not evil?" The woman quirked an eyebrow.

"..."

George missed being accused of liking shiny vampires, because the Lab-Ruling Immortal was in his bedroom, the door closed and locked, and he was busy stuffing a few changes of clothes and a few paychecks worth of cash into a bag.

"I can't save the Doc, but I can at least save myself!" George muttered, pondering his limited options. "If I stick around, somebody might figure out that the cat is me... so I need to book it and find someplace to crash for a couple of days!"

Running away for a few days wasn't as easy as that, given leaving meant departing the lab complex in broad daylight and finding an inn or someplace open to undead guests.

"MY BABY IS **WHAT**?" His mother's voice was loud enough George swore he felt the floor shake.

"**!**"

"_!_"

Hearing both Boki-chan _and_ Dr. Inasnum shrieking in punctuation told George he needed to leave, and fast. Covering himself in a cloak to shield himself from the daylight and shouldering his hastily packed bag, George flung the shutters to his room open, braced a foot against the frame, and dramatically hurled himself out.

Which would have looked a great deal cooler if he'd recalled he was on one of the upper floors of the complex and vampiric strength or not, falling three stories still hurts when you land flat on your face.

"Ow." George intelligently remarked to the pet cockatrice that was peering quizzically at the vampire from the safety of its little shelter.

"**WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT MY DARLING INNOCENT GEORGIE IS AN IMMORTAL?**"

His mother's rage, clearly audible even through the thick walls of the complex drove George to his feet and sent the Lab-Ruling Immortal running down the road just as fast as he could flee.

Inside the lab, the doctor was cowering away from the angry woman, trying in vain to hide behind Boki-chan.

"It's not a permanent condition, I promise!" Dr. Inasnum tried to reassure George's mother. "Part of the work he's been assisting me with is to find a cure for it!"

"Cure?" The woman boomed. "He's an Immortal and all he's doing is acting as a lackey for some quack doctor?"

"I-ur..." The Doc was thrown by the large woman's apparent reasoning. "What?"

"Georgie is destined to succeed in whatever he does for a career! I'm his mother, and if he wants to be a bloodsucking source of evil and darkness in the world, then MY SON will be the best there is at it!"

"..." Boki-chan squeaked.

"You-ah... you should probably ask him about that, really..." The doctor fumbled in the same tone of voice one would use when begging. "Please don't kill me!"

"Well **where is he**? I haven't seen my little boy since I got here!" George's mom loomed over doctor and ghoul.

"You know... I have... SCIENCE! to do... Boki-chan, go show our guest to George's room!" Dr. Inasnum quickly dove to the wreckage of his solar bamboo laser and began fiddling around with the mess.

"..." Boki-chan whimpered, gesturing to the woman to follow as it started for the stairs like one condemned.

Needless to say, his mother was most displeased by the state of the Lab-Ruling Immortal's room.

"What sort of lord of darkness lives like _this_?" She scowled, taking in the clutter, the posters on the wall, and the wide open window.

"!"

"HE should be the one calling the shots around here! This isn't a proper lair for a vampire, shiny or otherwise!"

"..."

"And WHERE is he?"

"..."

A quick search of the vicinity made it patently clear that the Lab-Ruling Immortal had traded in his title for the Open Road-Ruling Immortal, as it didn't take long for the woman to spot the George-shaped hole in the ground outside the window.

"..."

"He's just running errands?"

"..."

"Still! He's a vampire, he needs to act the part! Going out in daylight... absurd! I know REAL vampires don't shine in daylight, it hurts them!... Oh, I hope my Georgie is alright..."

"..."

Boki-chan looked at the demented woman that was its master's mother.

"I should go find him and make sure he lives up to his potential!"

"..."

Boki-chan looked at the open window, squinting beady eyes at the daylight.

"You're one of his servants, right? I'm sure you have some sort of arcane connection to him and can tell me where he is!"  
"..."

***PAMF!***

Boki-chan the Seventh regretted nothing as it dove out the window, except that George hadn't taken the ghoul with him.


End file.
